What a chaos week I had. I hope the following week better...
I've been closer to person name G lately. I really respect and look up at him. I think he some sort of my savior. However, my perspective of him change by end of the week.
He'd been quite for few days since our last meeting, and once I got to know he facing some difficulties, I try to reach him. But he keep on avoiding me and shut himself off from me. Well, I take it as he need space and time for himself.
Unfortunately, at the very same time my ex, out of blue whatsapp me. Talking about he being black magic and he is suffering because of it. My clever instinct asking myself, why so out of sudden he talk about all this to me? While all these time we not really talking. If we talking, we will talk about money and our daughter. That it. But that day he kind of open to me. The more we talking, the more I got the feeling that he actually suspect me black magic him. True enough after that he giving me a hint that he going to see 'someone' next week, he said he wants that 'someone' to pray for him and the black magic shall return back to the sender. And that also he advice whoever the person black magic him to stop, otherwise she will pay for the 'price', he said.
Well, ok I get his hint. He not sure who black magic him, but he suspect me, so he decided to warn me. He actually really wants to use black magic to whoever the person who did it to him.
Since I can see actually he try to hint me, I just play along. But deep down my first thought is he must be imagine things or maybe he just stress and got sick. He need a doctor. But as our conversation go more deeper and he actually try to warn me, I got angry at him. Well, I always angry at him. So, I try to calm down. But what if he really go to black magic guy? Not a priest or pastor? What if he actually went to the wrong 'guy' and he sort of giving my name because he suspect me? What if the black magic guy don't care whoever did it to him, he just want to complete his task and ask a name from my stupid-dead-brain ex husband? What if he they just use the suspect as their target???? Gosh....I got panic!
Good enough the next day, he put his whatapps status another hint which I think directly to me. He said black magic has punish my family and better I stop before it's too late! No way he giving a hint to someone else, because he knows my family well and we talk what happen to my family members before. So that night I check with him. I ask him if he found the person that he suspect. He said 'Not yet'. Hmmm....ok. Then I ask him, if he don't know who the person, then why he put a status like that? Like he knows the person and the entire family. Well, I can tell there is some 'kam cheong' punya answer. He just said 'simply, who knows she might be one of my ex-gf'. I didn't know he still keep in touch with all his ex gf. How much ex gf he knows, as well as the family of the girl? Well, whatever. But from the sound of his language, he talking about me and my family. But the thing is, he still want to use the black magic.
Ok, now is panic time. I seriously don't know what to do. My ex's brain is the same with dead chicken brain. I don't know if it's functioning. I try to stay positive by telling myself the actual person who did it will get it back from him. But my mind too hardworking! I keep on thinking all the worst thing could happen to me. So, I talk to my friends. Well, they have different answers from different angles, different views.
First, they ask me to go find black magic myself. Not to do anything, but to protect myself from anything bad coming to me. Another friend said, go for it as long it will calm me down and for my peaceful mind's sake. Since I close with G and he my inspiration, I thought I can check with him too. Uh oh...bad timing. He ask me back, "what is this black magic thing?" and "don't scare me, am not stable now". I immediately said sorry and tell him that am going to get help somewhere else. He just said "OK". WTF?!! so much of the caring and inspiration?!! Damn!
Anyway, I just too busy to think of anything else. I just let it be...for the moment. So, continue with my friends advices. I got another view which giving me a really deep thought. Well, long story cut short, finally I got an answer on what to do. Safe, not involve black magic at all, my mind at ease. I feel better. But if my ex really wants to use black magic on me because he suspects, I really can't stop him. I know now that am not afraid because I know where I stand. He the one should be afraid because no matter what his purpose to use black magic, it will turn back to him one day. Worst, he might have to facing his penalty from The Almighty One. Just pray he didn't use it. Better if he just find a way to heal himself. Don't know what kind of sickness he has, but 101% sure he is sick.
So, on that moment, I realize something. I do feel like am struggling ALONE, but at the end I have friends around me. I surrounded by alot of good friends....good people and I really thankful for that. I might do not have anything. I don't have property, money or status in society, but I do have good people around me as my friends, I have a daughter who is here with me and loves me, I still my job to keep me going, I have a house and a car that I pay with my earn living money. I am thankful for all that. And coincidently, this is thanksgiving time. So, I wanted to share with my good fellow in whatsapp, that I feel loved and I update my status to "there is so much to be thankful for..". Little I know that it will give a wrong impression to someone.
Someone I mean is G. Early next morning he whatsapp me something sound sarcastic. He said he glad that I can resolve my problem using black magic. I feel offended, I feel angry and freaking mad. I feel offended because I did not use black magic. I feel angry because, instead of asking how am I with my problem he accusing me, and I am mad because it finally confirm what kind of person he is. I look up at him for nothing. He not my savior, he just make things more complicated, and the worst part is I let him.
What make me even more mad? I finally found that I let him enter my life unconsciously...this kind of person. After my separation with my ex, I prefer to a temporary & flexible type or relationship. I want to make it to be like that until emotional take over and that is when things get complicated. For a moment I thought I can make it to the 'real' one. But who I want to kiddin, we start wrong, we go along with the wrong concept wrong foundation. No way for us to survive this....don't know whether I should call it as a relationship. I am not a relationship expert, but I certainly not in one.
I just too angry that I deleted and block his number from my phone and my watsapp. Before that of course fire him back. Don't know whether he get it or read it. I just don't care. I hope I don't have to see him in any part of this world. I am angry with him. He suppose to know what kind of person I am after so long. At least being nice to ask how am I. I the only one who get worry about him when he said he emotionally not stable. Being 'keepochi' keep on calling him, and he obviously keep on avoiding. Well, maybe actually he try to avoid me because he is busy with someone else. So he just create it to bar me so he will get more space and time with her. Hmm....as usual me with my trusting problem. But who to blame?
Then immediately he update his status to something like, when at difficult time one will show their true colors. Nice.... I got two sarcastic status on whatsapp within one week, few days apart! But, somehow, I just thought it the other way around. Both of them, it's like the status talking about them. It just they don't know it yet. The first one, if you use black magic, the punishment...will back to you too. The second, the only true color I can see is who is G...he just reveal himself. He is selfish, only thinking about himself and too self centered. He is too weak to handle his own life, and yet he have a lot more awaits in front of him. Well, with that kind of attitude...I will say...Good Luck G!
