What happen lately? 

My Big Family

Well, since January, quite busy life I have. First we found that Mom have breast cancer. She freaking out at first. She said maybe the house feng shui not good, or maybe because of black magic lar, or maybe because of the small incident she had before…anyway, I ask her what she wants to do. Is she going to get the treatment in Kuching? Because I know it would be difficult due to no proper transportation. She will need to take two buses in order to get to hospital. She said she will be okay in Kuching to get the treatment, even after I told her that usually people will get weak, vomiting, nausea and all after the chemo. But, according to her she is strong; she won’t have any of those effects. Yea rite…

But somehow, after surgery to remove the growth she change her mind. She said she coming to KL to stay with me. I was happy…of course. I was worried about her in Kuching, beside she here means Darlene would be in proper care.

So on March I made a trip to Kuching to arrange some transfer from HUS to HKL. As usual…government hospital…you have to go up and down…once you at down they will ask you to go up again and down again. Few round of up and down, asking around for two days in the same hospital, different department, finally we made it. I ask a letter from doctor who in charge my mom and transfer her from HUS to HKL. 

Then, next step to transfer my brother medical  treatment from Kuching to HKL as well. His hospital not far from my high school’s place. So, flashing back all the memories when I was 15 – 17 years old here. Sweet!

Then, few days in Kuching, arrange this and that before leaving the house empty. So now our house totally empty. Our cats still in the house, refuse to go out (according to my neighbor). Once a week my Sister in Law and my Little Sister will visit the house to do some checking routine. 

So, now my Mom, my Brother, Cath and her Baby and of course my Daughter staying with me. From only one person, now there is 7 people in my house (including my brother in law who came once a week occasionally).

Am I happy? Don’t know what to say, there is pros and contra. With my Mom here at least I know what is going on with her. I can send her to hospital anytime she need. I will try to get whatever she need to ease the pain of chemo. I feel better about her near to me.  At the same time my daughter won’t feel lonely anymore. My Mom also can take care of her.

The cons…well am alone for quite some time.  All these time I use to take care of myself only. My daughter is different..she is my daughter. Now I have to take care more people…means more responsibilities. And I use to have big space…all for myself…now I have to share. Share TV, radio, bedroom, foods, etc. Well, can’t really complaint, they need me right now. So here I am. Forget about privacy…no more privacy in my house. It kind of hectic at first. Take a while for me to adjust. Use to ‘run away’ from home for awhile, just to breath…

But, personally if you ask me, I would still prefer small family in a house. I love to arrange and manage my own house without others to interfere. In my case just me and my daughter. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, Mom and siblings. But I get away from family since 16 years old. The only time I were with them when I was 18 years old for two years, then off I go again. Now it’s like getting to know my new roommate :P.

Darlene

My daughter always has stories. She started her standard one this year. First day to school I sent her myself. She almost cry when I left her in class. But once she saw her kindergarten’s friend, she ok. At first she don’t like the school. She said she don’t understand Chinese, but now I guess she ok.

As expected, her result for first semester was bad. She only got A for English and BM. The rest B, C and D. Mandarin is her biggest weakest. It remind me of someone told me ‘your biggest weakest is your stronger point’. So she have to improve her Mandarin to conquer all other subjects. Haish…with my limited resources for time being I let her with her honeymoon mode. Wait till I finish my thing at least till end of this year. I’ll start being dictator just to improve her study.

My Ex – to be :-p

So far since last year he committed with Darlene’s expenses. The only thing is ..I have to remind him every end of the month. Sometime he will need some follow up…I mean after remind him, I need to follow up until I get the payment. Well, that’s okay since follow up is my expertise nowadays. Some time need to follow up with him almost a week then only will get payment.

I have a hunch he has a girlfriends, even since last year. But he keeps on denying. I don’t understand why he wants to deny all the time. 

Try to be a good mother, I let Darlene to see her father almost every weekend and school holiday. Every time she with the father I will call to check on her. I never forget to check where they are going and with who. Everytime she will said, with daddy go here and there. And she will press the word ‘with daddy only’. At first I let it go. 

Then, she started to tell me about this auntie that bought things for her. Sometime they are going out together with this ‘auntie’. Since this ‘auntie’ come out quite frequently in our conversation, so I ask her about this particular ‘auntie’. She told me this auntie old…her hair very long and got color. She is old auntie and happens to be daddy’s auntie as well. Hmm…I started suspicious. I said ok and let it go. 

Then, one day she coming back home, looks tired. Her face full of make up…nice make up. So I ask her who make her up. She quite for few second then she said ‘me, myself’. Okay…I can feel my blood shoot up to my ears (lucky not yet to my head). So I took a cotton, sat her on the bed and slowly talk to her while cleaning her face from the make up. We had the very first ‘slow talk’ since she lied to me about this ‘auntie’.  After that talk, she looks anxious with me. 

Few weeks after that I made a video call to my ex during my office hours using Darlene’s phone. My daughter was holding the phone and I sitting next to her. I have no intention of spying that time. Just a pure call to confirm on his visit for the next day. Then, when he picks the call I saw a glimpse of him lying down with a girl. Then I turn my head to my daughter when she (my daughter) suddenly turn the phone away from me, so I won’t see the view at the other side. I feel like being kicked in the curb! Is my daughter betraying me now?!

So, as usual…when am not satisfied with something…I will dig till I regret on my finding later. It always like that. So what I found? I found my ex’s picture with this young girl together. She put it on her facebook as her profile picture. Nice huh…first, this ‘auntie’ looks very young and sexy. Second, she proudly announces to anyone that this guy is her boyfriend (sort of). Third, means my ex lying to me.  All the sweet talking and the firm decision to be single forever just another drama of being jerk. Few days later I found a lot and lots of my daughter picture with her (that ‘auntie’). This time my blood shoot high to my head. Few minute later I found myself screaming over the phone to him. He kind of speechless. The only thing he said that I remember is ..”I just want them to be friends”. Walawei…what a candidate for a friend for his daughter!

I still in ‘shock’ mode for few days. When I calm down, I try to talk to my ex. This girl must be important that he introduce my daughter to her. He firmly said “no”. That the girl just a friend. I told him that doesn’t seem like a friend and she certainly thinking him as her boyfriend. All he said ‘I don’t know..she like me. I don’t like her’. Errr….my turn to be speechless. 

This guy beyond help!  All I care is my daughter. If she need to spend time with this girl I need to get to know this girl. So I send her some message which she doesn’t reply until now. Well, how I want to trust her then? Don’t tell me to trust my ex!!! Gosh!!

That mean, another plan for them. Don’t blame me ya! You ask for it. I trust you with my daughter, you quietly turn my daughter away from me…start to betray and lying her own mom. Okay, definitely need another plan.

Divorce??

I use to get the same question every time. Why my divorce is never settled. So here why it is…

I had my first lawyer in 2009. First she said the fee 2.5K for joint petition, then she said 5.5K when my husband refuse to cooperate with documentation/procedure. When she said 2.5K, I already pay the fee to open the file. But, when she increase the fee i totally stop see this lawyer. I can't believe her.

Then I go to Legal Aid Council - they reject my application. They said my salary quite high. I try to tell them that after pay all the debt I won't have much money left. They still say no.

Then, I called BBG (Biro Bantuan Guaman). they too reject me.

I search in the internet if I can do it by myself. So I go to high court to check - NO HOPE. They said I still need a lawyer.

Ok, look for another lawyer, I check few more lawyer, most of them asking 4.5K - 5.5K, until few weeks ago. My friend introduce one lawyer from my hometown. She said he is good and ask me to discuss with this guy my case. I called and talk to this guy and wallah! he said he can do it for me, and the fee? Fabulously acceptable :-). I just gave him all my documents and he will start as soon I pay him to open the file sometime this week, hopefully.

But somehow, I can’t help but thinking…even if I got divorce…then what will happen to us? To me and to my daughter? I certainly know what will happen to him. He will jump with joy. Right now, all I know is just to get away from this ‘trap’.  I believe life ‘out there’ much better than ‘inside’ here. God Bless!

My work

My work is crazy…actually beyond crazy. Sometime I think my boss need to hire a magician rather than us. He asking for the impossible some time. He wants a quality work with quick result, but pay must be really really low…low than market outside.  Crazy right? But what to do. He my periuk nasi. Can’t complaint much. So Just Do It in any cost!

I am looking for other job, I think I say it thousand times already. But recently am too busy with work. Even with my assistants being assigned to me, work still crazy. So, I don’t have time to look for other job. When am at home on the weekend, either I will be busy with my Mom, brother , daughter or friends. Hmm…now that I think back, I don’t really have time for myself am I?

My Love Life

Omitted! not included in the package. Period.